The Great Unborn Wall

Hello Mercedes

My name is Eugene, and I am your biological father on earth. Sadly you were never born, and I never got the opportunity to meet or hold you in my arms.

I'm not sure if you have been waiting for me or if you even knew that I existed because up until recently, I did not realize that you had a soul or a spirit that God had taken up into heaven.

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I was born in Rotorua but grew up and went to school in Mount Maunganui, Papamoa, and Te Puke, New Zealand. The towns were 20 minutes apart but are now suburbs of interconnecting cities and freeways. I spent a lot of time around the ocean. I loved surfing, fishing, and driving around the countryside with some great friends on some Krazy kiwi adventures.

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In 1993, at the age of 22, I worked in a music store and DJed at nightclubs on weekends. I grew up around all types of music genres, from the '50s through to the top 40. Your mother and a female co-worker would come into the music store every Friday night, not only to buy music but also so her friend could chat and flirt with one of my work colleagues. It was all sweet and innocent fun. Her and her friends would dance the night away at a nightclub where I was the DJ. And that is how I met your mother.

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In 1995, we were living together when you were conceived and growing in your mother's womb. Upon hearing the news, we were both shocked as you were unplanned and we were unprepared. After reading through the limited information about abortion, we were left with the impression that if we didn't want you now, we could have you later when we were ready.

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By the time we had come to a conclusion, you were already in the second trimester, so you had to be surgically removed - a simple and safe procedure, so we were told. We drove the two-and-a-half-hour drive to Auckland. I sat in the waiting room as they wheeled your mother into the theatre room. After some time, a nurse instructed me to bring our car around to the wheelchair ramp at the clinic's back door. I parked up where I was told. They wheeled your mother out and helped her into the car. She was still drowsy from the sedatives, and I was numb and speechless of what we had just done. The drive home was dead silent.

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We thought that abortion was the removal of a cluster of cells and the solution to our situation. We were dead wrong. Abortion was not the solution we thought and hoped it would be. It was a curse that condemned our souls and crucified our spirits. It destroyed our relationship through guilt, grief, anger, sorrow, blame, and resentment towards each other. A few months after we let you go, we let each other go by separating and me moving away. We never saw each other ever again.

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Two decades later, I was asked the A-Bomb question… "have you had an abortion?”... Twenty years of suppressed memories and buried emotions suddenly burst out of nowhere and exploded within me… like a bomb.

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From there, God led me on a unique path that brought me to design and develop this Great Unborn Wall. It was a long and lonely journey but what I learned was that when you were conceived, not only was your body and mind developing in the womb, but God had also given you a soul and a spirit. Although your mind and body were destroyed in the abortion, your soul and spirit were captured up and into heaven.

 

At that same time in my life, I did not know or believe in God. It would be many years later that I would come to know Him and many more years later before I would come to know about you.

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Mercedes, I wish that what happened didn't happen. I thought we could have you when we were ready, but later I learned that there is only one of you, and we let you go.

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I'm so sorry that we did not let you breathe the air, smell the garden of God, taste and explore the delights of earth, sing, dance, fall in love, watch the sunset, or dive for pearls. Although you will never experience these here on earth, there are two words on earth that I want to give you that have so much meaning.

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“I’m sorry”.

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I am so sorry for what we let happen to you. It was a sad and terrible moment for all of us, especially your mother. I pray and hope that she has found peace, love, and forgiveness. Please forgive us both.

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I am humbled and grateful to have done this journey. I have experienced God's love, grace, and forgiveness for letting you go by completing the Unborn Flame.

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May my Great Unborn Wall, serve to honor you, dignify you, and memorialise you forevermore. I know that you can not return to me but I know that one day I will see you face to face.

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​Until then, give my LOVE to our Father God, to our Lord Jesus, to the Holy Spirit, and to all the heavenly hosts.

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With all my love

Dad xxx